Icha Icha Consequences
by Demand Truth
Summary: Iruka wanted to give Kakashi an experience he'd never forget for their three year anniversary, but is one memorable night worth nine months of consequences? AU, KakaIru, Mpreg Sorta
1. Restricted Jutsu

_**Icha Icha Consequences**_

By: Demand Truth

_Summary: Iruka wanted to give Kakashi an experience he'd never forget for their three year anniversary, but is one memorable night worth nine months of consequences? AU, KakaIru, Mpreg (Sorta)_

**WARNING! THIS STORY HAS SEX. IF OFFENDED, PLEASE DON'T READ. ALSO IT WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU DIDN'T REPORT ME TO THE SEX POLICE. **

**Chapter 1: Restricted Technique**

His innocent looking, leather satchel sat near his feet. There was nothing about its appearance to suggest what was hidden deep inside, wedged underneath Iruka's grade book and a few blank scrolls. In fact, the only think that made the bag ridiculously suspicious was Iruka's inability to stop glancing at it every five seconds, as if there were an exploding tag inside that was about to detonate.

After the brunet Chuunin glanced nervously at his bag for the millionth time in the past ten minutes or so, Genma finally cracked.

"What's in your bag that's got you so nervous?" Genma asked, rolling his senbon curiously from one side of his mouth to the other. Iruka instantly stiffened in his seat, a pink blush darkening his cheeks.

"What are you talking about? You get these strange ideas in your head, Genma-san. Whatever would I be looking at my bag for? There's nothing in it, except for school things, like always," Iruka insisted, all without taking a breath. Genma arched an eyebrow. The school teacher forced himself to release the breath he was holding and purposefully picked up his pen, clearly set on ignoring Genma. He checked it for ink level, and set it down to the right of where his hand rested on the desk, making sure his weapon was ready for battle. He needlessly tidied the stack of blank forms on his desk, and then stared intently at the door, as if summoning someone with his mind.

Nobody came. It was a slow shift. Genma smiled, with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

"You're not a very good liar, Iruka-sensei," Genma commented, as if discussing the weather. The tense line of Iruka's shoulders became even more impossibly rigid. Then it happened very fast. Using speed that Iruka never in his wildest dreams would have expected from the lazy, apathetic desk Jounin, suddenly the contents of Iruka's bag were dumped on top of Gemna's desk.

"HEY!" Iruka roared, but too late. The damage was done. Falling out last, on top of the grade book and the pile of scrolls, was a bright and shiny copy of _Icha Icha Paradise_. Genma chuckled, skipping backwards from the desk with the porn in hand at the same time that Iruka dove for it, blushing like mad.

"Ha! Iruka-sensei, all these years we thought you were the good influence on Hatake-san, but now it appears like he's the bad influence on you! Did you take this dirty book to _school_?" Genma asked loudly. The door to the mission room had opened, and Anko had entered with a team of some of Iruka's ex-students. Iruka's face got so hot Genma seriously thought the teacher might explode, and with a lunge of pure rage and embarrassment, Iruka tackled Genma and managed to confiscate his porn, hiding it away from the sight of the kids.

"Wow, what the hell did we miss?" Anko asked cheerily, grinning from ear to ear. From the floor, behind the two desks and underneath a panting, red-faced Iruka, Genma replied.

"Iruka's brought a naughty book to work!" Genma announced with glee. Forgetting about hiding the cover, Iruka angrily smacked the upper level ninja with the garishly colored book, temporarily causing little kunai and shuriken to dance above Genma's head.

"DON'T TELL DIRTY LIES!" Iruka roared, his infamous short fuse lighting. His former students, recognizing that voice, dodged behind Anko, who rolled her eyes at their cowardice.

"Now, now, we're all adults here. Well, old enough, anyway, to appreciate some of Jiraiya-sama's fine literature. There's nothing to be so embarrassed about, Iruka-kun," Anko soothed, with a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin.

Still blushing like mad, Iruka returned to his seat with a huff and hastily tucked the book in his desk drawer, slamming and locking it dramatically. "I assume you have a mission report?" Iruka asked, as if determined to suppress any further teasing with the force of his serious voice alone. Genma, meanwhile, woozily climbed back into his chair, and Anko snickered at him.

"Yeah, yeah, here ya go, Iruka-kun. Seriously, though, I think it's great you're finally opening up a little. I mean, you've been with Kakashi for almost three years now, right? Gotta spice it up every once in awhile, ya know?" She punctuated her embarrassing assessment with a big wink. Iruka's blush returned, and he actually winced as if in pain.

"Anko-chan, _please_ don't talk about personal matters in front of my ex-students. It's _embarrassing_!" Iruka pleaded. His old teammate just grinned and glanced at her trio of youngsters, none of whom looked at all disturbed.

"Ah, relax, Iruka-kun. They've been with me nearly a year now—whatever innocence they may have once had is _long_ gone," Anko joked. She handed over her mission report and couldn't resist a little more teasing at her old friend's expense. "So you doing research for that perverted boyfriend of yours? Let me guess—you're going to role play!"

Iruka's completely red face gave him away, and sent Genma and Anko into peals of laughter. The students looked a little bored with the conversation. The leader of the group shook his head at the two laughing adults and gave Iruka a brief salute.

"We'll let you adults catch up. Later, Iruka-sensei," the young boy said. His two friends also gave Iruka bright smiles and waves, and then left the three adults alone in the room.

"I can't _believe_ you just...in front of..." Iruka looked absolutely horrified, which only made Genma and Anko laugh harder—until a stapler and a blank scroll came flying at their heads with deadly accuracy.

"Woah!" Anko exclaimed, narrowly dodging the stapler that went flying past her to lodge in the wall. Genma, however, fell out of his chair upon the impact of the scroll with his head, and a large, angry lump began to form. The scroll rolled away harmlessly. Iruka gave both Jounins a challenging stare.

"Okay, okay, point taken. No more teasing. Seriously, though, if you're wanting to do some role play I know of a jutsu that would help! It's in the restricted section of the library—big scroll edged in blue. You can't miss it," Anko said with a placating smile. Genma just grumbled about menstruating Chuunins and pulled himself back into his seat.

Iruka cleared his throat primly and stamped Anko's report, filing it away behind him.

"Thank you for your hard work, Anko-chan...and for your suggestion," Iruka managed to say, blushing all over again. Anko just laughed and tossed a goodbye wave over her shoulder. When she left, Genma sighed.

"Your anniversary is tonight, right? Just go ahead and read it already. We're slow today and I already know about it anyway."

Iruka resisted prudishly for at least five minutes, before he realized just how little time he had left to pull off his crazy idea. Sheepishly, he pulled the book out of the drawer and held it under the desk, furiously speed reading, and trying to remember the dialogue.

Genma just smiled, thinking to himself that Kakashi sure was a lucky guy.

~*~

When his shift in the mission room ended, Iruka had approximately two hours to set everything up. He ran to the library quickly, and flashed his badge to gain access to the restricted section. It was fairly neatly organized, with the higher level jutsu scrolls, about twelve or so, piled neatly in the corner. Iruka spotted the large, blue one Anko had mentioned and quickly dug it out of the pile. He hoped it wasn't too difficult; many of the jutsu and techniques stored in the restricted section were above his ability level.

Iruka carried the large scroll to the lone table and unfurled it, just skimming the warnings after a nervous glance at the clock. As Iruka got the gist of the jutsu, he smiled happily. It was essentially a hardier version of the Henge, or transformation jutsu. Any significant outpouring of exertion while under a Henge made it difficult to maintain the illusion, but this jutsu worked in an entirely different way. The teacher in Iruka was fascinated, and he read on eagerly, wondering why the seemingly simple jutsu wasn't part of the academy curriculum.

He practiced the hand signs a few times before taking a deep breath and giving it his best attempt. The change was slow, but it felt incredibly solid. Typically, while under a transformation, Iruka's body still felt the same—it was merely a visual trick. This, however, felt incredibly realistic. Iruka cupped the small breasts he'd envisioned on his chest, pleased that they felt plump and firm. Confident that he could pull the jutsu off, and pleased with himself that it hadn't been much of a struggle, Iruka hastily released the jutsu and returned the scroll to the pile. He still had a lot more to do for his memorable anniversary night.

Iruka hastened to the apartment he shared with his eccentric boyfriend. He started dinner—Kakashi's favorite, of course, and carried the porn book into the bathroom where he could see himself in the mirror. Feeling a little shy, Iruka stripped out of his clothes and neatly folded them before staring at himself in the large bathroom mirror.

He was attractive, he supposed. At least, that's what Kakashi insisted on a pretty much daily basis. He'd kept himself in good shape, but his shape was most definitely male. Iruka did a half turn, admiring his own firm, tan-all-over tush.

A smile brightened his face when he realized just how similar he looked to one of the main characters Kakashi drooled over all the time. Keiko was tall and tan, with large breasts and soft auburn hair. Iruka envisioned the fantasy woman in his mind and did the seals, opening his eyes to see a near perfect transformation staring back. His eyes dropped to his own ample chest, and he felt a nosebleed threatening. There was just something naughty about transforming into a female and staring at his own boobs. Plus, they were _huge_.

Iruka inspected himself critically, from his now tiny, shapely butt to his big, innocent looking hazel eyes. Lastly, feeling dirty, Iruka placed a delicate little foot onto the edge of the sink and checked out his lack of male anatomy. His own blush startled him—he flushed an enticing pink. Oh, Kakashi was going to _love _this. Though Iruka hadn't had a fantasy about a woman in years, and it had been even longer since he slept with one, he couldn't resist poking at himself curiously, familiarizing himself with the little nub that he knew would give him pleasure, and the slick passage that was so different from the one Kakashi usually claimed.

Feeling satisfied that the transformation was solid and pleasurable feeling, Iruka ceased checking himself out and hastily dressed in the scandalous satin kimono he'd bought the previous weekend. It almost exactly matched the description in the book, but for a few, minor faults. Iruka tugged on the tiny, white lacy panties first, feeling a strange heat in his belly as the dainty garment slid over slender thighs. The kimono just barely covered the panties, and Iruka knew that when he bent over, even slightly, Kakashi was going to see the little white garment peeking out. The thought alone began to arouse Iruka, and he blushed to realize his nipples were hardening and his brand new panties already felt a little damp.

A quick glance at the clock told him Kakashi was nearly home, so Iruka ignored the urge to slip his hand between his thighs and tied up the plunging front of the kimono. Instead, he awkwardly pulled his long hair into twin pigtails. One was a little higher up than the other, but it would work. He then finished up in the kitchen, just as the front door opened and Kakashi entered, holding a small bouquet of white roses—Iruka's favorite.

His revealed eye widened in shock, and the flowers fell to the floor.

"Iruka?" Kakashi asked, clearly bewildered. The busty brunette _felt_ like his boyfriend, but what on earth was going on? Iruka tried to will away his blush and sauntered towards Kakashi, toying with the low cut neckline of his garment. Kakashi's good eye dropped to Iruka's ample chest and stayed there, a familiar, hungry look taking over his expression. Iruka smiled.

"Oh, Ichiro-sama, I did not think you would ever return to me...not after what I did," Iruka recited the line in a sweet, girlish voice. Kakashi was gaping underneath his mask, but it was obvious he realized just how Iruka intended to make their three-year-anniversary special. Kakashi swallowed thickly, his memory racing over the well-loved pages in his mind's eye.

"I have not forgiven you, Keiko. You made a fool of me—me, the man who loves you! How do you intend to make it up to me?" Kakashi asked smoothly, tugging down his mask. As always, Iruka was a little distracted by the handsome sight, and had to shake his head to remember what he was supposed to do next. He didn't have to fake the embarrassed blush as he tugged at the neckline of the kimono, revealing one pert, pale pink nipple.

"Please, Ichiro-sama, take me in whatever way you wish. Use me however you see fit. Let me give you pleasure." Iruka was pretty sure he'd messed that line up, but it was at least similar. Kakashi didn't seem to be in the mood to complain, at any rate. His perverted, genius boyfriend, however, nailed his lines with perfect accuracy, and knew just what to do next. He roughly grasped the material of the kimono and covered up Iruka's chest, scowling.

"You're so quick to shame yourself now! You'd act the whore for any man, wouldn't you?" Kakashi asked, pretending to be disgusted with Iruka. He moved to the table and sat stiffly, watching Iruka out of the corner of his eye to see just how far they were going to take the scene. "I've traveled many days to answer your summons. Serve me food and drink."

Iruka was quite ready to continue the scene, and in fact that was why he'd chosen it. Pretending to sniffle (since at this part, Keiko began to cry anguished tears at the coldness of her lover) Iruka brought dinner to the table. He'd also moved the bowls to the bottom cabinet, so just like in the book, he had to bend over and flash Kakashi his tiny panties. He heard his boyfriend take a deep, bracing breath as he presented his round little butt for his viewing pleasure.

"_Fuck_," Kakashi grunted from the table, breaking character for just a moment. Iruka smiled to himself, pleased with the results of his scene, and then hastily wiped away the smile before he turned. He tried to look desperate and needy.

"Please, Kaka...I mean, Ichiro-sama, eat this humble meal I've prepared. When you have satisfied your hunger for food, please satisfy _all _your desires. Feast on me. For so many months I've thought of only you, and I've _ached_ for you in the night," Iruka whimpered, bringing Kakashi's favorite dish to the table. Kakashi dug in heartily, using all the practice at inhaling food he'd acquired over the years. In the book, the character ate slowly, ignoring the sultry stares from Keiko throughout the meal, but it seemed as if Kakashi wanted to speed things along. When he was done, he pushed the bowl away and stood, revealing an impressive erection tenting his pants. Iruka had to hide his coy smile. He hadn't even _touched_ him yet.

"Please my Lord, please do not turn me away from you. It is true I betrayed you before we were to be married, but it was not my will! It was trickery! My heart belongs only to you," Iruka confessed, pleadingly. He dropped to his knees, clinging desperately to Kakashi's vest. Kakashi's voice was thick with want when he replied the next line.

"I'll allow you to make it up to me, Keiko, but I'll make you do things no decent woman would ever do. Show me how sorry you are. Suck my hard cock," Kakashi ordered roughly, undoing the clasp of his pants and freeing his heavy arousal.

Iruka licked his lips (which were puffier than he was used to) and summoned another blush.

"But my Lord, I have never..." Iruka trailed off. At this point, Kakashi looked a little apprehensive, and his hesitation was obvious. Iruka gave him an encouraging wink, letting him know he was fine with a little rough play. Kakashi bit his lip and gave Iruka a stare so full of longing and adoration that Iruka nearly forgot they were acting a scene, and so he was genuinely surprised when Kakashi roughly grabbed a handful of one of his pigtails and thrust his cock into Iruka's mouth.

Iruka nearly choked, but just like Keiko, he recovered beautifully and began to suck like a pro—just how he knew Kakashi liked it. It wasn't long before Kakashi came hard into his mouth, and Iruka allowed himself to act more wanton than he ever had before. He opened his puffy pink lips as if in shock, letting his boyfriend's seed dribble down his chin and onto his pert breasts. Kakashi harshly ripped open the neckline of the kimono, baring Iruka's breasts to the cool air in the room.

"Look at that, you messy girl. You should have swallowed! You need to be punished," Kakashi panted, clearly excited about the next part, as his arousal was already returning. Iruka let himself be hauled into Kakashi's arms and carried to the couch, where he was promptly stretched over Kakashi's lap. A familiar hand slid up a leg that felt anything but familiar, to the silky hem line of the kimono. Kakashi pressed his knuckles against the damp panties, letting out a low groan as he did so. Iruka arched his butt into the air, giving a needy, breathy moan.

Kakashi's hand smacked his ass hard, and though he was expecting it, Iruka still yelped. The panties were tugged down his backside, and Kakashi's hand descended again, leaving a clear, red imprint on the tan skin. Iruka could feel Kakashi's second erection poking his belly, already firm. Another spank caused Iruka to moan, rubbing his exposed nipples against the rough material of the couch, torn between arching towards Kakashi's hand and flinching away from it. A few more smacks and Iruka's bottom was stinging. In the book, at this point, Keiko was practically tossed across the room, but Kakashi gently lowered him to the ground. Instead of tearing off the panties, he carefully removed them, and spread Iruka's slender legs after tugging off as many of his own clothes as he could manage.

For a long moment, Kakashi simply stared, as if trying to remember what to do with a woman's anatomy. Iruka helped jog his memory by spreading his legs a little wider, and touching his little button of pleasure. Iruka felt the wetness dribbling between his thighs, and groaned in pleasure when Kakashi leaned forwards and licked him from ass to clit, like a melting ice cream cone.

Happily amusing himself by playing with Iruka's ridiculously large breasts, Kakashi wasted little time in burying himself to the hilt. He began to thrust into Iruka's newly redesigned passage. For Iruka, it was a very different experience from what he was used to. He envied women for being more natural bottoms—he felt himself quickly acclimating to Kakashi's thick manhood instead of the slow burn he was used to feeling when they made love. Instead of his own body betraying him by attempting to force Kakashi out, his muscles expanded and sought to bring Kakashi in deeper. The wet, smacking sound as their bodies met filled the living room, and Kakashi was far less gentle than he usually was. As nice as it was to accommodate Kakashi more naturally, at the same time his own pleasure wasn't building nearly as fast. He and Kakashi had worked out a perfect rhythm of fucking and stroking each other, but now it wasn't as easy to stroke himself. Iruka realized Kakashi wasn't going to last long enough to get him where he needed to be, so he let out some breathy moans and tried to make it good for his lover. Kakashi came powerfully, though Iruka didn't quite make it. Iruka discretely slipped his tiny hand between them and rubbed himself in tight little circles, arching up and milking Kakashi's spent arousal as he finally came in gentle waves of pleasure.

For a long time, they simply lay together on the living room floor, sweaty and ridiculously happy with each other.

"Happy anniversary, love," Iruka whispered. Kakashi looked up at him almost wondrously, and then at the mess they'd made of their clothes.

"Iruka...will you marry me?" Kakashi asked. Iruka blinked rapidly a few times in surprise, and then a frown marred his face. Roughly, he pushed Kakashi off himself, though he found his hands were so small and weak that the heavier, taller ninja barely budged.

"Get off me. I mean it!" Iruka snapped. Kakashi winced, realizing he'd made a mistake and it was too late to take it back. He moved, allowing Iruka to get up and storm into the bathroom, which is what usually happened when Kakashi did something insensitive right after sex. It seemed like Iruka was always a little more vulnerable then, and his feelings were easily hurt. After three years, Kakashi was almost getting to the point where he didn't need Iruka to explain how he'd fucked up to him. It would dawn on him like an epiphany, with all the subtlety of one of Gai's punches.

Iruka was romantic, and he'd been hinting for months that he'd like for Kakashi to take him on a trip to the hot springs and make it official. Kakashi had told him marriage was a big step, and that they shouldn't rush into it. Apparently, after three years, Iruka didn't think they were 'rushing' anything. It had turned into a big fight, and Iruka was still sensitive about the subject. Obviously, being proposed to when he was trapped in the body of a big, busty girl was not Iruka's idea of romance.

Angrily, Kakashi punched the carpet and buried his face in his hands. Inside the bathroom, he heard Iruka furiously trying to dispel the Henge, and seeming to have some difficulty.

A/N: Tsk tsk, Iruka-sensei! So horny and rushed you didn't read the warnings on that scroll...review if you like it? Pretty please? Oh, and in case you were worried, Iruka won't stay as a woman for the entire story—just long enough to cause some trouble for Kakashi! ;)


	2. Warning Labels

**Title: Icha Icha Consequences**

**Chapter 2: Warning Labels**

For a long moment, Tsunade simply stared at the two shinobi in front of her. She took in Iruka's new form, contemplating the implications.

"So let me get this straight. You two thought you'd use a very dangerous technique for some kinky sex, and failed to be responsible about the time limit, and now Iruka is stuck as a woman?"

"W-w-what? What do you mean _time limit_?" Iruka asked, his voice rising unnaturally high. Tsunade's eyes narrowed on Kakashi.

"Why didn't you _warn_ him? This is serious, Hatake!" she roared. Kakashi held up his hands defensively.

"I didn't know it was the Mirror Jutsu! I thought it was just a normal henge—like Naruto's Sexy-no-Jutsu, or some such nonsense. I didn't uncover my Sharingan until he couldn't get it to dispel," Kakashi explained. Tsunade turned on Iruka.

"If you learned the jutsu from the library, _surely_ you read the warnings first! To do otherwise would be _highly _irresponsible, especially considering your position! This is _exactly_ the sort of rookie mistake you're teaching the children to avoid!"

Iruka's emotions were already on a roller coaster, and the harsh words pushed him over the limit. He turned his red face to the floor, nearly trembling he was so upset.

"I'm _sorry_, Tsunade-sama. I was in a rush to set everything up, and Anko told me about the jutsu last minute. I was stupid," Iruka admitted. Seeing Iruka so close to tears, no matter what body he was trapped in, just didn't sit well with Kakashi.

Feeling like an asshole for being initially angry instead of supportive, Kakashi gently slipped his arm around Iruka's tiny waist and let him dry his eyes against his vest. He gently kissed Iruka's forehead and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"Everything is going to be okay, Iruka. We'll figure out a way to fix it," Kakashi comforted. Tsunade, however, just shook her head and sat heavily in her chair.

"That scroll is in the restricted area for a reason. It _would_ be forbidden, except when used properly, it can be extremely useful and have no serious side effects. This, however, definitely falls into the realm of improper use—and it doesn't surprise me at all that it was Anko's idea to use it like this. I worry about that woman influencing small children..." Tsunade trailed off, distracted from the topic at hand.

At that moment, Shizune entered and looked startled to see Kakashi comforting an upset woman in such a manner. She considered herself a good friend of the kindly academy instructor whom she _knew _Kakashi was dating, so she wasted no time in pointing her finger accusingly at the big breasted bimbo draping herself all over Iruka's man.

"HEY! You have a boyfriend, you jerk!" Shizune accused. Iruka looked up in surprise and realized how the two of them standing together must look. The humor of the situation finally occurred to him. He wiped at his eyes, laughing at how ridiculous the situation had become.

"It's me, Shizune. Apparently I used the Mirror Jutsu improperly and was unaware there was a time limit on the transformation. Now, I'm stuck like this." Iruka explained. Shizune looked shocked for a moment, and then came forward to examine Iruka more closely. Tsunade circled her desk as well, patting the wood encouragingly.

"Take a seat, Iruka. Let us have a look at you," she said. Shyly, Iruka left the circle of Kakashi's arms reluctantly and perched on the edge of the desk. Tsunade poked and prodded at him seemingly at random.

"The reason there's a time limit is because this Jutsu starts on the outside, truly altering your appearance. There's only a small window of time, approximately a half hour, in which you can dispel the technique and revert back to your previous form. However, the longer you allow the technique to progress, the more you will change. After a certain point, nobody has been able to undo the change—that's why its use is restricted. I assume, after all the time that's passed, you're fully a woman now," Tsunade concluded. Iruka swallowed thickly.

"B-b-but...b-b-but..." Iruka trailed off weakly, his eyes turning to Kakashi pleadingly. His boyfriend looked equally helpless.

"Further more, there are reasons this jutsu isn't used any time a ninja would rather be the opposite sex. The transformation is unnatural, and it feeds on your body's chakra to maintain the change. You're going to feel yourself growing weaker. In a few more hours, your chakra will be completely funneled into the transformation—you will be no different from a civilian. In fact, you'll likely be even weaker. While occasionally ninja use this technique to drastically and permanently alter their appearance, say, to go into hiding, it means sacrificing their ability to be a ninja," Tsunade concluded.

There was nothing but shocked silence from both men, as realization sunk in. Iruka and Kakashi's eyes met, and for a long, long time nothing further was said. Finally, Kakashi asked the million dollar question.

"Can you reverse it, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade crossed her arms over her ample chest and scowled at Iruka's sexy new shape.

"It would be a challenge, though the research could be potentially very valuable. I hate to admit it, but jutsu reversal is not one of my areas of expertise. It's a shame Kabuto is working for Orochimaru. He'd have a much better understanding of this than I do."

"So...I'm going to be stuck like this? For how long? And I won't be a ninja?" Iruka verified. Tsunade sighed.

"Yes, Iruka. That's what I'm saying. No jutsu is truly irreversible. All these old jutsu can be tweaked and altered. It's an organic process. If we can't reverse it, then perhaps we can find another jutsu to counteract the change. Anything is possible, but I can't tell you how long it will take."

Iruka's mind was racing. "Why can't I just do the technique again, and this time turn back into a male?" Iruka asked. Tsunade was already shaking her head.

"This is a jutsu, not a genjutsu—you have to perform the technique yourself. Nobody else can perform it on you, and currently you don't have the chakra to do a simple dispel, much less a fairly draining technique."

Feeling tears threaten again, Iruka weakly and sloppily ran through some simple hand signs, but he knew it would be ineffective. Like Tsunade predicted, his body felt ridiculously weak. He was exhausted. The stress of the situation was settling over him, and Iruka felt lightheaded. He slid off the desk and staggered forward. His legs felt like soft ramen noodles. Was this what it felt like to have no chakra? Iruka reached for the desk to steady himself, but he missed and would have crashed to the floor if Kakashi hadn't reached him, catching him before he passed out. Kakashi easily lifted the shocked, blissfully unconscious man into his arms.

"The adjustment is going to be hard on him. For a few days, he'll be extremely weakened and likely sick," Tsunade explained.

"Poor Iruka-sensei," Shizune muttered. Tsunade shrugged.

"At least he wasn't transformed into some ugly old politician. That's typically how this is used—to impersonate important leaders, or to disguise oneself as someone unnoticeable to escape a bad situation."

"There are many words you could use to describe Iruka-sensei now, but 'unnoticeable' is definitely not one of them," Shizune remarked. Kakashi bristled at the appreciative and even lusty stares his unconscious boyfriend was getting from the two medics. He held Iruka a little more protectively, glaring at his admirers.

"Oh, come on, brat! Your boyfriend essentially transformed himself into a porn star! You better start getting used to _everyone_ checking him out. Hell, Iruka-sensei was cute as a man, but can you imagine that blush and that fiery personality on a woman with that ass and those tits? Every male he knows is going to want a piece of that," Tsunade commented, unabashedly crude.

"I liked him how he was!" Kakashi replied defensively. "This _isn't_ Iruka."

"Correction. That _is_ Iruka. At least for now. I mean it, Kakashi. You've never really had competition as far as Iruka was concerned. There aren't a whole lot of men in the village that share your preference. But now...you need to look out for him. He can't defend himself, and he's going to be attracting a _lot_ of unwanted attention. Take him home and let him rest. Have some food ready for him when he wakes up. Oh, and for god's sake, get him some decent clothes! That uniform is falling off him. Shizune and I will get started on it. I promise we'll do all we can," Tsunade said.

Iruka felt so light in his arms, and he was undeniably gorgeous, but it wasn't the Iruka Kakashi was accustomed to seeing. The elite ninja would have given anything for Iruka to be heavy and broad shouldered again, with the slender scar arching over the bridge of his nose. Sadly, Kakashi cradled Iruka a little more securely in his arms and returned home as quickly as possible.

When Iruka woke up, he was lying in the bed he shared with Kakashi, but his boyfriend was missing. He was sweaty and weak, and his stomach rolled with nausea.

"Kakashi?" Iruka called weakly, feeling his whole body begin to tremble. His boyfriend appeared in the doorway and was instantly at his bedside—just in time for Iruka to roll to his side and puke all over him.

Thankful his mask partially blocked the less than charming smell, Kakashi used the sheet to wipe up the accident and mop the worst of it off his vest. Iruka was crying and shaking, and in general, looking miserable.

"Okay, it's alright, Iruka. How about a hot bath? Do you feel like you're going to be sick again?" Kakashi asked. Iruka weakly shook his head, but he was still inexplicably cold, and the bath idea sounded heavenly. Iruka loved baths. Kakashi left to start the tub running, and then he returned, shirtless, to help Iruka undress. Iruka felt so weak he could barely lift his limbs. He'd had the flu once before, as a teenager, and this was exactly how that felt.

With some effort, Kakashi freed him of the sweaty clothes. Even colder, Iruka shivered helplessly as Kakashi carried him into the bathroom. Kakashi gently placed him in the hot, soapy water. A second later he had stripped off his pants and he slipped in behind Iruka, wrapping his arms around the body that was entirely too small and vulnerable.

Soothed by the hot water, Iruka's chills finally subsided and he closed his eyes, drifting asleep again and using Kakashi's firm chest as his pillow.

The next time he awoke, he was dressed in a new outfit. Simple white panties (more practical than the lacy ones he'd purchased for his Icha Icha costume) and a large T-shirt, which he recognized as one of Kakashi's old training shirts.

"Shizune stopped by and offered to go shopping for you, since I wouldn't have known what to buy. She bought you pajamas, but I know how you like to sleep in my old shirts," Kakashi explained, as he entered the room. Iruka felt a little stronger, but not by much. Thankfully, Kakashi carried a tray loaded with a hot bowl of soup and a little plate of crackers and cheese. As he set it on the bedside table, Iruka was overcome by a powerful wave of guilt.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi. I only wanted to do something special for you. I was so stupid!" Iruka berated. Kakashi instantly placed his hand on Iruka's cheek, softly stroking with his thumb.

"It's alright. We all make dumb mistakes from time to time, and at least you made yours while trying to do something really nice for me. Most people's dumb mistakes are selfish. Just worry about feeling better. Tsunade said the adjustment to the chakra loss will be hard on you for awhile."

Iruka nodded in understanding and gratefully accepted Kakashi's help with eating his dinner. The tomato soup tasted just right, and it reminded Iruka of when Kakashi used to do the cooking—back in the beginning of their relationship, when Iruka had been a mess in the kitchen.

"This is good. I miss you cooking for me," Iruka said sleepily, already feeling exhausted again. Just the effort of eating tired him out. Kakashi gave him a soft smile underneath his mask and set aside the empty bowl. Tugging the cloth covering his face down, Kakashi leaned over and gently kissed Iruka's dry lips. Iruka opened his eyes weakly, staring up at Kakashi questioningly.

"I love you, Iruka. Try to get some more rest. It's nearly the middle of the night now," Kakashi said.

"Sleep with me?" Iruka asked, not wanting Kakashi to return to whatever he'd been doing before Iruka woke up and called for him.

"Let me just clean up in the kitchen a bit and then I'll be back," Kakashi said as he stood. Iruka nodded and closed his eyes again. He was just drifting off into dreamland when he felt the other side of the bed dip and Kakashi's strong arms wrap around him comfortingly.

**~*~**

He was a _G _cup. Iruka was still feeling less than his best days later, but he was up and about. This included trying on his new wardrobe, and staring at his semi-permanent body in the mirror, more critically than he had when he'd been creating it. His breasts were comically huge on his chest. They looked good, of course. As a young male (at least in his head) Iruka could see that he was sinfully sexy, but the reality of such a body was far from ideal. For starters, his back was killing him, and Iruka didn't think it was due to the weakness associated with his change.

Iruka had only slept with one woman. She'd been a fellow teacher at the Academy when he first started. She was pretty, and nice, and she and Iruka had gotten along pretty well. For a time, Iruka even thought they would end up together. She'd left him, however, for another man about four months into dating. After that, Iruka had avoided women for awhile, and the next thing he knew he was on a diplomacy mission in Earth country, where a handsome, foreign, very male ninja wanted to show him just how diplomatic his village could be. Not long after returning from that mission, he'd been formally introduced to the man that would be Naruto's next sensei, and from the beginning, there was a connection between the two of them neither could deny. For Kakashi, Iruka had been his first male lover. While Iruka had made peace with the fact he'd never sleep with a woman again, sometimes he felt like Kakashi missed it. Instead of being bitter about it, Iruka had tried to think of a way to let him satisfy those urges without cheating on him. It should have been a perfect plan.

News of his condition had spread, and Kakashi warned him he was going to have some visitors today that he could no longer hold off. So, Iruka was up and had showered, and was attempting to dress himself, including putting on a bra. He twisted slightly, trying to see over his shoulder, but it was useless. Maybe it was easier for women that didn't have watermelons attached to their chest?

"Kakashi!" he called. A second later, the bathroom door opened. Iruka turned, his hands still awkwardly twisted behind himself. "I can't clasp it," Iruka said innocently, having no idea just how much the sight of him now turned Kakashi on. While he'd been so sick, Kakashi had kept it in his pants, but now that Iruka was up and flouncing about the house, all boobs and legs and long, silky hair, Kakashi was nearly undone. Staring at Iruka with his hair still wet from the shower, the silky pink bra just barely stretching over his impressive rack, naked and dripping from the waist down...

"Oomph!" Iruka grunted as he suddenly found himself tossed over Kakashi's shoulder. He was dropped onto the bed, and the bra slipped down his shoulders dangerously. Iruka blushed, realizing the dirty thoughts racing though Kakashi's brain. "Hey! I'm trying to get dressed!" Iruka protested, only to be thoroughly ignored. Kakashi had removed his mask and was nibbling and kissing along Iruka's soft neck. Kakashi's hands slid over Iruka's knees, gently trying to coax them open.

"I can't help it. You're so hot as Keiko!" Kakashi explained, licking kissing the sensitive spot behind Iruka's ear.

"K-kashi...I'm not....Keiko!" Iruka protested, pushing weakly against his boyfriend. God he missed his chakra! It wasn't that he'd stood much of a chance against Kakashi before, but now he was really at the perverted ninja's mercy.

"I know, Iruka, and I miss your beautiful cock and your adorable scar and your firm ass—I _promise_ I do, but it's been _days_ of you flouncing around half naked in this incredibly sexy body and I'm only human! I've jerked off to thinking about Keiko _so _many times, and now she's here wearing my damn shirts and those tiny little panties. _Please_, Iruka? _Pretty please_?"

"You're pathetic!" Iruka replied, but all the same he let his legs part. He knew of Kakashi's fondness for the character, and he couldn't even be that jealous since Kakashi had once said he thought she was what Iruka would look like had he been a female instead of a male.

Besides, there were plenty of times Iruka had jerked off to fantasy lovers other than his boyfriend, so he couldn't exactly get mad about it.

"Just remember that it takes me longer to...you know...when I'm like this. It's not our anniversary anymore, so the sex isn't just about you! A little foreplay would be nice...and I might still throw up on you." While Iruka lectured, Kakashi had freed Iruka of the constricting bra.

Kakashi buried his face in Iruka's huge boobs and somewhere amidst his nuzzling Iruka heard "You can puke on me anytime, Keiko."

Even though it lacked force, Iruka still swatted the back of Kakashi's head.

"You are _such_ a gross pervert!"

Despite the stupid things that kept coming out of Kakashi's mouth, he was doing pretty nice things with his hands and tongue. All the nuzzling and gentle squeezing had made Iruka's nipples perk up, and they ached when they were not being stimulated. Iruka was accustomed to having an ass full of lube, but it was still disturbing when he began to feel the sudden wetness between his legs. Iruka thoroughly enjoyed oral sex as a man, and now the idea of it gave him a secret thrill.

He got a good hold on Kakashi's wild hair and none-too-subtly pushed him and his talented tongue downwards.

Kakashi playfully grinned up at him as he ignored the tugging and made a stop to lavish Iruka's belly button with attention. Iruka's head rolled backwards and he arched up his chest, wanting Kakashi to slow down and speed up all at the same time. Iruka's hands moved to his own neglected nipples, and he found what Kakashi had already discovered—they were kinda fun to play with. Just as he was roughly palming his aching breasts, Kakashi finally reached his destination and began to lick him slowly, teasing Iruka's throbbing clit.

"Get on with it, already!" Iruka demanded, spreading his legs wider, peering down but not able to see much through the valley of his breasts. He arched his hips upwards and finally Kakashi obliged him, closing his lips around the little nub and sucking gently. Iruka moaned, and felt the pressure begin to build inside himself. He was getting so wet, and he had the feeling he only rarely got during anal sex—that he was empty and needed to be filled.

"Kakashi, fuck me!" Iruka ordered, wanting to feel his boyfriend's hard cock inside him. With no need for lube, Kakashi was out of his pants and positioned at Iruka's entrance in record time. With a long moan, he slid in, lifting Iruka's slender leg up over his shoulder. Iruka let go of his breasts in favor of clenching his hands in the sheets, and the sight of his chest bouncing as Kakashi pounded into him drove them both over the edge. This time, they came together, and their breathing was so loud they almost missed the sound of knocking on the door.

"Fuck—that's probably the first of _many _visitors," Kakashi grumbled. He showed no signs of sliding out of Iruka, and for a moment, Iruka was thoroughly drained and couldn't even bother to speak. The knocking persisted, and grew obnoxiously loud. That could only be one person.

"Naruto must be back home from his training mission with Jiraiya-sama," Iruka realized.

"The kid can wait," Kakashi concluded, finally rolling to Iruka's side.

"Iruka-sensei? Are you okay?! I heard something really weird in the village and I'm worried about you!" Naruto shouted through the door.

"Tell him I'm still getting cleaned up and to give me a few minutes," Iruka ordered. Kakashi rolled his good eye but obeyed.

"He's cleaning up, kid. Come back later."

"Is he...still a man?" Naruto asked—loudly.

"God, now all the neighbors are going to know!" Iruka said, mortified. Kakashi snickered.

"Just come back in 20 minutes, Naruto!" Kakashi shouted back. From the other side of the door, they heard a new voice.

"Come on, brat. I told you if your Iruka-sensei really is stuck in the body of one of my characters, Kakashi's going to be keeping him busy," Jiraiya said, sending Iruka hiding under the covers his face was so red. Naruto's outraged protests could be heard even as Jiraiya dragged him off. Iruka weakly reached for a pillow and used the last bit of his strength to smack Kakashi with it.

"PERVERT!" he yelled.

Kakashi just laughed. "Now you need another shower," he added. Grumbling, Iruka rolled out of bed and angrily scooped his bra up off the ground. Kakashi watched him go, enjoying the view, when it dawned on him that he could stand to clean up a bit, too...

"Don't even _think_ you're going to shower with me!" Iruka yelled harshly, shattering Kakashi's dreams into a million little pieces. He sighed forlornly, but cheered up quickly when he realized if Iruka let him play once, he could convince him to do it again. For the time that he had Keiko, he was going to enjoy her.

_'Happy anniversary, indeed!'_ Kakashi thought to himself with a lazy grin.

~*~

This time, Iruka put the bra on backwards, and then rotated it around once it was fastened. His breasts were even perkier nestled within the triangles of silky fabric. Iruka realized if he tripped, it was very likely he'd give himself two black eyes.

"Stupid boobs—you're not worth the trouble!" Iruka hissed at the mirror. Still, his own hands moved up to cup them and they responded delightfully, the little peaks of his nipples hardening practically on contact. They were _so_ much more sensitive now. "Fine. I'm not mad at you anymore, but you're killing my back."

Iruka pulled on his T-shirt next, pleased it was a little larger and didn't cling to him. Next was a modest pair of pink panties and loose fitting pajama pants. To get his hair out of his face, Iruka scooped it into his customary pony tail. The appeal of his body was undeniable, but he looked a little more respectable dressed in baggier clothes.

As he emerged from the bathroom (appreciating the fact that his breasts didn't bounce as much), Naruto and Jiraiya were back, and Kakashi was just letting them into the living room. When Iruka entered, they both stared. Iruka blushed, averting his from the twin lusty stares from two people he did _not_ want lusty stares from.

When Iruka met their eyes again, blood was dribbling down both of their faces. Instantly, his temper ignited.

"PERVERTS! Naruto, it's me, _IRUKA_. You're like my little _brother_!" Iruka tried to reason, clasping a hand protectively over his chest. Naruto gaped for a few minutes longer and then wiped away his nosebleed with the sleeve of his jacket.

"You're really good, Iruka-sensei. Of course, I knew you were. Your Sexy-no-Jutsu clearly beats mine," Naruto praised. Nearby, Kakashi fumed and completed his impersonation of an unhappy little raincloud with tiny sparks of lightening chakra that crackled off his skin.

"Even dressed in such unflattering clothing, you are a vision, Keiko-chan, just as I imagined," Jiraiya praised. "But I'll have to see the breasts before I know for sure if you're accurate. Keiko has large, pale pink nipples despite being rather tan, and she keeps it natural, but she doesn't have much hair between her legs..."

"You're not seeing Iruka's boobs or pubes!" Kakashi finally yelled, moving to stand in front of him and block the lusty stares. Naruto snickered like a little boy viewing his first dirty magazine at hearing not one, but _two_ naughty words spill from Kakashi's mouth. Finally, the orange-clad teen couldn't hold it anymore and laughed loudly, practically rolling around on the couch in glee. In what was becoming his signature move, Iruka grabbed the chair's cushion and easily sidestepped around Kakashi, bringing it down with all his might on Naruto's blond head.

"Shut up, you insensitive brat! This is NOT funny!" Iruka scolded.

"Ha ha ha ha—You've got _boobs_ the size of cantaloupes! It so _is_ funny! Wait till Sai sees you! And Kiba! He's gonna jizz his pants!"

Then events unfolded very quickly. Noting Iruka's close proximity, Jiraiya went for a boob grope, and Kakashi darted forwards to block the attack, but Iruka moved at the wrong moment and instead Kakashi barreled into him, sending Iruka sprawling onto Jiraiya's lap.

Iruka's eyes grew to the size of saucers when he realized what was poking him in the belly. While it was a total girly move, Iruka did the first thing that came to mind—he slapped Jiraiya across his cheek with all the force he could muster.

And Jiraiya promptly laughed and gave his hips a little roll, giving Iruka's ass a squeeze to complete his exploration.

"That's exactly what Keiko would have done!" he crowed in delight. Then, quite suddenly, the delightful little body was gone from his lap, and a _much_ stronger fist impacted with his jaw.

"MINE," Kakashi growled possessively. Jiraiya, well-accustomed to taking punches from possessive boyfriends, angry fathers, and enraged brothers, merely rubbed at his jaw, still grinning lecherously.

"You did good, Iruka-chan. The ass feels just right, and the attitude is perfect. Hey! You could be in the next Icha Icha movie!"

For a minute, Kakashi looked excited, and then he remembered what happened to girls in the first Icha Icha movie. His threatening scowl returned.

Iruka, completely embarrassed, settled on the chair far across the room, regretting not having the good sense to remain in bed and let them stand in the doorway while he was hidden under a mound of blankets and sheets.

"If you two just came to gawk and make jokes, you can leave now. I don't feel well and this has been an upsetting experience. I'd hoped you would be a little more understanding, Naruto," Iruka scolded lightly. His favorite ex-student had the good sense to look a little sheepish.

"Don't worry, Iruka-sensei. The old lady will fix you up just fine, I bet! I won't tell Kiba or Sai about it if you don't want them trying to spy on you when you change," Naruto offered. Iruka felt his headache intensify.

"Thanks…I think. While I'm very glad to see you back in town, Naruto, I think I've had too much excitement for one morning. I'd like to lie down awhile. Maybe we can go for ramen later this week or something."

Naruto gave him a sweet grin. "Sure, Iruka, that sounds great!" Iruka had stood along with Naruto and Jiraiya, who both took the hint it was time to leave. Moving quickly, Naruto weaseled past Kakashi and firmly wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist in a hug. That alone wasn't so unusual—Naruto frequently hugged him, though not as often since he'd become a teenager. Happy for the show of support, Iruka returned the embrace and was about to give one of his best, reassuring big brother smiles, when he realized Naruto was dragging the hug out longer than necessary, and his cheek was doing an awful lot of nuzzling…

Suddenly, Naruto screeched and shot away from him, clenching his hands over his ass and revealing Kakashi crouched down with his hands in the last sign for a particularly painful, enema like attack.

"Okay! Okay! He's yours—I get it! You didn't have to use your gay butt rape jutsu on me!" Naruto growled, scowling both at Kakashi (who merely smirked happily) and Jiraiya (who was laughing heartily at his discomfort). Iruka just shook his head.

"I'm going to bed. I'd thank you both for stopping by, but I think you did more harm than good," Iruka chastised. Despite this rebuke, Naruto waved goodbye to him cheerily as he left, and Jiraiya winked in a way that could only be described as what rape would look like if it were a facial expression.

"No more visitors until you're normal," Kakashi said, as if deciding the matter. Iruka just rolled his eyes.

"You act like nobody ever checked me out as a guy. I'll have you know _tons_ of cute girls hit on me all the time," Iruka replied. Kakashi grinned mischievously.

"As long as I can watch, you can have sex with all the cute girls you want right now. When you're a man again, it would be a different story," Kakashi teased.

Deciding his first mistake had probably been waking up that morning, Iruka gratefully blocked out his annoying boyfriend by crawling under the covers.

**A/N: **This chapter was fun to write. So what's the verdict? Do you want more chapters of Iruka stuck as a girl awkwardness, or are we ready to move to Iruka stuck as a pregnant man awkwardness? Let me know in a review, and whatever option gets the most votes is what direction I'll take it from here. Thanks for all the reviews last chapter!


	3. Girl Talk

**Icha Icha Consequences**

**Chapter 3: Girl Talk**

Naruto's visit had taught him some valuable lessons. When Genma and Anko stopped by, Iruka made sure he was in bed and practically swaddled in blankets. He pretended to be sicker than he was, and guilt tripped Anko into fetching him some ramen. After they'd left, Iruka imagined he knew what it felt like to be his mysterious, masked boyfriend. While his friends looked appropriately concerned for his wellbeing, they were obviously desperate to catch a glimpse of what he was hiding.

It was small satisfaction, but Iruka took joy in denying them both the opportunity. He slurped down the rest of his ramen and sighed when there was yet another knock on the door. Kakashi set aside his favorite set of knives and the sharpener he'd been using, and stretched wearily.

"I hope this is the last of them," Kakashi complained. Iruka was too polite to agree with him aloud, but he hoped so, too. He'd had enough of feeling like an animal in the zoo.

Kakashi swung the door open to reveal Sakura and Ino, both of them carrying pretty bouquets. Sakura had a small bag around her arm that was bulky with items, and instantly Kakashi's curiosity was piqued. He ushered them in with a greeting of "Yo" and a shrug of his shoulder towards the open bedroom door. Self-consciously, Iruka tugged the blanket back up.

"Hello girls," he said with a smile.

"Hello Iruka," both girls chorused back, allowing Kakashi to take the flower offerings. Sakura shared a quick glance with Ino and then her eyes landed in a sharp, assessing way on her team leader.

"Maybe you'd like to find a vase for those flowers in the kitchen, Kakashi-sensei? Ino and I have a few things we'd like to discuss with Iruka," Sakura none-too-subtly hinted. A little surprised, and even more curious, Kakashi merely sighed and shuffled off to the kitchen, assuming Iruka's modesty was safe with the two teenage girls. He was not surprised to hear Sakura close the bedroom door.

"I hope you don't think this is strange of me, Iruka-sensei, but when I heard the news from Shizune and Tsunade-sama, my first thought was if anyone had prepared you."

"Prepared me?" Iruka asked, a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice. Ino gave him a pitying look and moved to the foot of the bed, sitting gracefully and catching the bag that Sakura tossed her way.

"If you're going to be living as a woman for awhile, you're going to need a few things. I'm sure you know the theory behind it, even if you've never experienced it before."

Iruka's eyes widened and his tan skin flushed a deep, dark red when the bag was dumped at the foot of the bed and he realized what 'it' was—a small mountain of feminine products, including medicine for cramps, a hot water bottle, several pink and pale green boxes containing tampons and pads, a seemingly random assortment of makeup, and most embarrassing of all, a few shiny foil-encased condoms.

"W-w-why did you bring _those_?!" Iruka stammered. Sakura blushed, but Ino merely smirked as she expertly sent one flying towards him, throwing it like a shuriken.

"We didn't know if you used protection or not, but you have a uterus now. If you're not careful, things will start growing in it," Ino said with a wink.

Iruka's eyes went wide, and his flush faded into a shocked pale pallor. Sakura's brows knitted together in worry.

"We aren't too late, are we? I didn't know if Tsunade-sama thought to remind you, but then I reasoned with you being so sick that surely Kakashi-sensei wouldn't…but he did, didn't he?" Sakura asked, biting her lower lip nervously.

Ignoring all the menstrual products for a moment, Iruka could only stare at the innocent little square of foil in his hand. It had all happened so fast, and he'd never had to even consider the risk of pregnancy before. He was a man, for god's sake! His fist clenched, crumpling the safety precaution.

"Maybe…maybe I hadn't been transformed long enough. Maybe it's fine," Iruka said tightly, feeling his heart race ten times too fast.

"You've only been a woman for two days and you're already having your first pregnancy scare. Harsh." Ino shook her head pityingly at him, and Iruka got the feeling she knew what he was going through—that suspicion was almost enough to distract him, after all, Ino and Sakura were only sixteen. Neither one of them should even know where to buy condoms, much less understand what their purpose was.

'_Okay,'_ Iruka reasoned, _'Maybe they're old enough to be experimenting—but not to be having pregnancy scares!'_

"Breathe, Iruka-sensei. You look like you don't know whether to lecture us or send us to get you a pregnancy test," Sakura said astutely. Ino rolled her eyes.

"For a medical prodigy, you're a little slow on the basics, Fantastic Forehead. Even if he got a test, he wouldn't know. The most accurate one won't tell you until eight days have passed since sex," Ino informed. Both Iruka and Sakura blushed. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were both virgins! We're all adults here. We can say 'sex' without having to whisper it," Ino chastised. Finally, Iruka recovered from his shock.

"You, young lady, are a _teenager_. You are entirely too young to be having any experience with…with…this!" Iruka held up the condom in a flustered sort of way. "What boy is pressuring you? Is it Shikamaru? Because I'll put a stop to that right now. I may not have my chakra anymore but I can drag that boy's head out of the clouds long enough to put the fear of…"

Iruka trailed off upon realizing both girls were grinning knowingly at him, barely containing their giggles.

"What?" Iruka snapped.

"It's just cute, Iruka-sensei, you acting all…motherly," Sakura teased.

"But you're way behind the times, Iruka-sensei. I'm an empowered woman—no boy pressures me into doing anything I don't want. If anything, I have to do all the coaxing. Chouji is so shy, and I never thought I'd be into that, but I just can't help it. He's hard to resist, once you get to know him," Ino said. Sakura smiled and sat on the bed, clearly getting comfortable.

"Sometimes I think I should start dating, but Tsunade-sama keeps me so busy, and between missions and hospital work the only boys I see are Sai and Naruto, and eww, on both accounts," Sakura replied.

"Whatever, Sakura, Sai is _so_ hot. I love that he's an artist. How come you get all the dreamy, pale guys with issues on your team? Sasuke-kun, Sai-kun, even Kakashi-sensei!"

"Kakashi-sensei is _not_ dreamy. He's a pervert, and he's never on time. Plus, I'm not into the whole gray hair thing…no offense, Iruka," Sakura shot back.

Hopelessly lost, Iruka just moved his head in a vague, 'I-can't-believe-this-is-my-life' sort of way. Oblivious, Sakura continued. "Besides, _you_ have Asuma-sensei, who is _way_ hotter than any of the older guys. I know smoking is a terrible, gross habit…but he looks so rugged when he smokes. He and Kurenai-san are super hot together."

"Yeah, but what's with how secretive they are? I mean, everyone knows they're banging like rabbits."

"Ino!" Iruka squawked, appalled at her language. He still held the crinkled condom, and truth be told, his mind hadn't moved much further beyond the words "pregnancy scare."

The door opened, and Kakashi's only response to the scene was a single, raised eyebrow. Ino and Sakura hastily stood, trying to act as if they hadn't just been gossiping and sharing makeup and menstrual products.

"Maa, sorry to interrupt...whatever this is…but it's getting late, and Iruka really does need his rest. You girls can gossip together some other time."

"I was _not_ gossiping!" Iruka insisted, glaring at Kakashi in irritation. His boyfriend just smirked beneath his mask and showed the girls to the door.

"Spread the word that Iruka's had enough visitors for awhile, and tell Tsunade I'll make sure he gets to his appointment tomorrow afternoon," Kakashi said, directing the last part of his instructions to Sakura. Both girls nodded and turned to wave at Iruka.

"Bye, Iruka-sensei! Remember, eight days! Try not to stress too much till then," Ino said. Kakashi's gaze shifted uneasily to the pads and tampons. Did he only have eight days before Iruka started to transform? Kakashi had worked with enough women during their time of the month to have a healthy respect for PMS, enough so that he personally thought it should be considered in the same category as some of the more deadly jutsu. Sakura and Ino, it appeared, had been the bearers of bad news. He was happy to shut the door on them.

"Sorry I didn't rescue you sooner," Kakashi said, sauntering towards the bed with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Iruka had been staring at something in his hand since the girls left with fiery intensity.

"Iruka?" Kakashi asked worriedly. Iruka looked up slowly, and his fist uncurled around the foil square of doom. For a second, Kakashi was confused as to why the girls had brought his boyfriend condoms, and then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I won't get a good reading on a pregnancy test until eight days have passed," Iruka clarified. Kakashi had reached the doorframe and now he leaned against it for support, as his legs suddenly felt like jelly.

"It was only twice, and you might not have even been fully changed the first time," Kakashi tried to reassure. Iruka just shook his head, apathetically sweeping the items off the foot of the bed and collapsing back against the pillows. He felt like he was floating, like his life had become too bizarre and so he'd just detached. Kakashi finally stumbled to the side of the bed and sat, taking Iruka's hand in his own.

"What if it's positive?" Kakashi asked. Slowly, Iruka's big eyes settled on Kakashi's face.

"Then I guess we'd be parents in nine months. I never thought…I thought Naruto was as close as I'd ever come to…" Iruka trailed off. Both men sat wrapped up in their own thoughts, gently holding hands.

The possibility alone was both startling and terrifying, like witnessing a lightning storm or watching winds tunnel up into a hurricane. For a breathless, shared moment, Kakashi and Iruka wondered what a positive would mean for them, for their lives together.

Iruka's hand gripped Kakashi's more tightly, but Kakashi swallowed thickly and pulled away. Before Iruka knew it, Kakashi was gone in a swirl of leaves.

"That commitment-phobic _bastard_," Iruka hissed, furious he didn't have the chakra to follow after him—no doubt to the memorial stone. "He can't just run away from me! I don't care what body I'm stuck in!" Iruka scolded the empty bedroom as he flung off the covers. In the closet, he swapped his pajama pants for a simple pair of black uniform pants that Shizune had brought, along with a blue sweater over Kakashi's T-shirt. Stuffing his tiny feet into his new sandals, which were still a little too big, Iruka angrily left the apartment.

It was early evening, which fortunately meant most of the village was tucked away inside their homes, eating dinner and preparing for bed. Iruka unsteadily made his way to the edge of the village, hoping to avoid anyone he might recognize by taking the path along the woods. It was a cool evening, and the wind seemed to rip right through Iruka's sweater. He realized he was accustomed to simply warming himself up with chakra, a process so natural it was as automatic as breathing. Now, without it, he shivered and huddled his shoulders pathetically against the wind. Everything was harder in his weakened state. His balance was entirely off, though he didn't know if that was due to the new additions to his chest area or the chakra drain.

Iruka was so wrapped up in dark, angry thoughts, and so distracted by the cold, that he hardly noticed the rock in the path until he'd tripped over it. For a ninja, Iruka was the first to admit he was a little clumsy. He tended to go everywhere in a rush, with his arms full of paperwork, and so he was used to having embarrassing spills from time to time. This, however, was different. He was ridiculously off balance as he fell, and there was no chakra to absorb the impact. Like any ninja, Iruka was well accustomed to pain, so he didn't make even a whisper of sound as he felt his ankle cleanly snap.

After a moment passed, and realization settled in, Iruka let out a very un-ladylike curse.

"_Fuck!_" he half-shouted, angrily pounding a small fist against the path. His sweater was torn and dirtied, he was cold, and his ankle was throbbing like mad. It was _all_ Kakashi's stupid fault.

"Are you okay?" A kindly voice asked from somewhere above him. Iruka's eyes slammed to the tree line in alarm, but he was relieved when it was a familiar face that dropped down in front of him. Yamato (or was it Tenzo?) took in his situation with concerned, almond shaped eyes.

"Yamato-san, you scared me," Iruka said, offering the man a weak smile. Yamato merely looked confused.

"Do I know you?" he asked. Iruka contemplated explaining everything but then just sighed in annoyance.

"Err…no, your reputation precedes you. I'm afraid I've broken my ankle," Iruka said. Much to Iruka's embarrassment, Yamato didn't hesitate to scoop him up off the ground bridal style. Iruka flushed with color and had to remind himself he was in the body of a beautiful woman. It was going to make the men around him treat him differently than they would if he were in the body of a man.

"I'll carry you to the hospital. It's not far. I'm afraid my medical skills are far too brutish to try fixing something as delicate as your ankle, miss," Yamato said with a kind smile. Iruka's heartbeat accelerated without his permission. Sure, Yamato's eyes were a little unique, but he had such a kind, caring aura. It was hard to stay annoyed and flustered around him. "What's your name?" Yamato asked, looking down on him gently. Iruka felt like the situation was swiftly spiraling out of control, but it would be too weird to suddenly reveal he was Iruka.

"K-keiko," Iruka stuttered, praying that he'd never run in to Yamato again while in female form.

"Keiko…a beautiful name for a beautiful lady," Yamato said with a roguish smile. Iruka smiled weakly in return, sternly reminding himself that he had a boyfriend. A stupid, commitment phobic boyfriend that had just run out on him upon hearing they might have a baby together—but a boyfriend, nonetheless.

'_Oh, yeah, and there's that tiny little detail you're overlooking—Kakashi's knows you're a MAN!'_ Iruka yelled at himself. Luckily, Yamato interpreted his disgruntled expression as pain.

"You're being very brave for breaking a bone. You can cry if you need to. I won't tell anyone," Yamato promised. Iruka just shrugged his shoulders delicately.

"I'm clumsy. I'm used to tripping over things and running into doors," he replied. Yamato shifted his hold on him slightly, bringing Iruka's face uncomfortably close to Yamato's neck. He could smell the man's aftershave and a hint of sweat, as if he'd just been training before he found Iruka.

"Ah…I'm sorry if stink. I was training," Yamato said, clearly nervous. Iruka immediately shook his head.

"No, you smell nice…I think we use the same aftershave," Iruka replied. Then he mentally slapped himself. Yamato had paused mid-step, but recovered and kept walking, clearly using his shinobi training to keep his expression steady. Iruka, however, blushed wildly. "I uh…I mean…I use men's aftershave because I don't like all that flowery crap when I shave my…legs. I guess that's weird for a girl. Which is what I am—not a man. Heh heh."

Yamato let out a huff of dry amusement.

"You're not like other girls, are you Keiko-chan?" Yamato asked, grinning. Iruka arched an eyebrow, though he knew from his position Yamato couldn't see it. Yamato was seriously flirting with him—already using 'chan' like that at the end of his name. Iruka's reply was reproving.

"Don't you think it's a little soon to be so informal with me?" Iruka asked pointedly. Yamato's cheeks reddened slightly, but he was confident in his reply.

"Well, I am carrying you to the hospital. Doesn't this make us friends?" he asked. Iruka's eyes widened when that statement sunk in—they were going to the hospital! Tsunade would let the beans spill for sure, and it would be _so _embarrassing to be caught lying after he'd told Yamato he smelled nice, of all things.

The whole situation was a _nightmare_. Stupid Kakashi! Iruka needed to think quickly. True, he no longer had most of the tools of a ninja at his disposal, but he still had an advantage over Yamato. He just had to be ruthless enough to exploit it. His desire to avoid embarrassment made him ruthless enough.

"Um, this is going to sound like a strange request, Yamato-_kun_, but I prefer not to go to the hospital. You see, I really hate them. There's a healer that lives over by the market. Do you know of him?" Iruka asked. Yamato's brows knitted together in protest. The healer Iruka spoke of was much more affordable than what the med-nins charged at the hospital, but he did things the old-fashioned way. For a broken ankle, he'd put Iruka's foot in a cast or a splint.

"It would be so much faster if you let them heal you at the hospital with chakra…" Yamato protested, though he stopped walking in the direction he'd been going in. Iruka _really_ didn't want to be caught in his lie, so he batted his eyelashes and called on the puppy-dog eyes. They usually worked on Kakashi.

"Please, Yamato-_kun_? I'd be _very_ grateful," Iruka purred. Yamato swallowed thickly, and quickly averted his gaze from Iruka's pretty features.

"Of course. I'll take you wherever you prefer," Yamato replied. Inwardly, Iruka rolled his eyes. Were all men such suckers for a big rack and pleading eyes? The prankster in him raced with ideas, to all of which the teacher in him firmly replied "No!" It was enough to manipulate Yamato into avoiding the hospital. He didn't need to keep using his powers for evil.

They walked in silence for a few moments and as they reached the market, Yamato had obviously worked up his courage.

"Um, Keiko-chan…do you think I could, err, take you out for a drink some time?" Yamato stared straight ahead, his cheeks a little pink. Iruka smiled. He was just _too_ cute. Alas, Iruka wasn't on the market, no matter how stupid his boyfriend was behaving at the moment.

"You wouldn't want to date me, Yamato. Trust me," Iruka said. "Appearances can be deceiving," he added. Yamato frowned, glancing sideways at him for the briefest of seconds to reveal his hurt expression.

"If you don't want to, it's alright. I understand. I'm sure a pretty girl like you gets asked out all the time. You probably have your pick," Yamato reasoned. Iruka clearly felt the tug on his heartstrings.

"No, it's nothing like that! I'm just…sort of seeing someone. It's complicated. It wouldn't be right for me to go out with you, but I wish I could. You're very kind, and handsome…and you have good taste in aftershave," Iruka joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It worked, and Yamato chuckled. They'd reached the small house of the healer, and Yamato knocked somewhat awkwardly, considering his arms were quite full.

The door opened after a short wait, and the old man quickly sized up the situation.

"Ah, a damsel in distress I see, and her knight in shining armor," he joked. Both Iruka and Yamato blushed. "Come on in, kids. Let's see what we've got here."

The medic made short work of ascertaining the severity of the break, and applying a cast, explaining there wasn't too much swelling so there was no need for a splint. Iruka endured the uncomfortable procedure, but about an hour in wondered if all the hassle was worth it. He glanced at Yamato waiting patiently in the medic's foyer and felt a little guilty for wasting everyone's time. Why didn't he just come clean? Iruka realized he wouldn't do it, even though it made more sense. It wasn't in his nature to confess to something before he'd been caught. He hardly ever saw Yamato. If he could make it through one uncomfortable evening, and he could just avoid the man till things were back to normal. Hopefully.

"Alright, it's dry and you're good to go. I'll send you home on a crutch. I'll need the amount listed on that bottom paper there tonight, though, I'm afraid," the medic said. Iruka had signed the papers hastily, not really reading them. His eyes widened in alarm and he hastily flipped through the paperwork. It wasn't a large sum of money, but he certainly didn't have it on him.

"I've got this. Don't worry, Keiko-chan," Yamato said with his charming smile. Before Iruka could even protest, the money had exchanged hands and Yamato was helping him down off the examination table. Iruka winced, but it was not because of putting weight on his ankle. Now he'd have to see Yamato just once more—to pay him back. Surely he could sneak off from Kakashi long enough to do so. Kakashi was always out of town on missions or going off by himself to think or read. It wouldn't be hard.

"I really appreciate it, Yamato. I'll pay you back, of course," Iruka said. The kindly Jounin just grinned. Then Iruka realized his next problem. He couldn't very well go back to Kakashi and his apartment—Yamato probably knew where Kakashi lived. Iruka's quick brain helpfully supplied an answer. He was pissed at Kakashi anyway. Finding somewhere else to stay for the night was a good idea. Naruto was home, and Iruka knew where he kept the spare key. Likely the blond would either be out training, or he'd be getting ramen. It was rare he returned to his apartment until he was ready to sleep.

"I think I'll stay at my friend Naruto's place tonight. You work with him occasionally, right?" Iruka asked. Yamato looked surprised.

"You know Naruto? I guess that would make sense. I can't think of how else you would have heard about me. I hope he only said good things," Yamato said, gallantly offering to support Iruka on the side that wasn't aided by the crutch. They said their goodbyes to the medic and set off towards Naruto's apartment.

"Yeah, he's quite fond of you," Iruka replied.

"So how did you meet Naruto?" Yamato asked. Iruka decided to give an answer that was at least semi-truthful.

"We used to live in the same apartment complex," Iruka said.

"I take it you moved?" Yamato prodded.

"Yeah, I moved in with that boyfriend I mentioned," Iruka replied. Yamato looked disappointed.

"Oh, so you two are pretty serious, huh?" he asked. Iruka nodded. "Then…why don't you want to go home?" Yamato asked. Iruka easily got caught up in his emotions and probably said more than he should have.

"He's afraid of commitment, and in the middle of an important discussion, he just ran off. I was trying to track him down when I fell," Iruka replied.

"Well, that doesn't sound like he's a very nice guy. In fact, anyone that hesitated to commit to you would be pretty stupid in my book," Yamato said. Iruka huffed.

"I agree. We've been together for three years. _Three_ years. I know we're a little different than most couples, but that's still a long time to make me wait for a wedding ring."

"What's he waiting on? After three years he should know whether or not he wants to be with you," Yamato replied disapprovingly.

"We've been fighting about it a lot recently. Now I might be…well…I might be pregnant. He really freaked out," Iruka confessed. He felt a little better about mentioning he might be pregnant. Surely that would scare Yamato off.

What the man did next totally threw Iruka for a loop. He stopped, moving in front of Iruka and gently lifting his chin to catch his attention.

"I may be biased, but it sounds like you're with a loser. There are better guys out there, Keiko-chan, ones that wouldn't be afraid to stick by you."

Iruka felt the pressure of tears in his eyes. It had been an awful night, and Yamato's words hurt him more than Iruka could say.

"It's been a long night, Yamato. While I appreciate your concern, I'd have to think long and hard before making a decision like that," Iruka said, suddenly uncomfortable and just wanting to be alone. Thankfully, they had reached Naruto's apartment building. Yamato looked torn, but clearly steeled himself and worked up his courage again.

"Maybe so, and it's obvious you're situation is pretty complicated, but I don't think we met by chance tonight. Please say you'll let me see you again," Yamato asked fervently. Suddenly feeling awful for even having put himself in such a situation, Iruka shook his head and pulled away from Yamato's gentle touch.

"I need some time alone, Yamato. You've been very kind tonight, and I appreciate it, but I've got it from here. Have a nice night," Iruka said firmly, hobbling into the building swiftly, leaving Yamato standing behind him with a concerned, yet determined, expression on his face.

~*~

"You _flirted_ with Yamato-sensei?!" Naruto asked disbelievingly. "But you love Kakashi-sensei!"

"It was weird, and I was upset, and my ankle was hurting. I don't know why I did it, okay? I'm just as confused as you are," Iruka groused, hiding his face in his crossed arms. His adopted little brother sighed and then comfortingly rubbed his back.

"It's going to be okay, Iruka-sensei. Joking aside, I know this situation is really messed up, but it'll get sorted out. Kakashi-sensei will come to his senses. You want me to talk to him?" Naruto asked, sounding a little threatening. Iruka quickly shook his head.

"No, Naruto, it would just make things worse if he knew I'd talked to not just one, but _two_ people about our personal problems in one night. You know how he values his privacy. I've just made a mess of things. I'll crash here tonight and hopefully it will be better in the morning."

"Yeah, everything looks better after a night of good sleep. Did you get any dinner? I've got some pain pills for your ankle if you want them," Naruto offered. Iruka gave the blond a warm smile.

"Since when do you take care of me, huh?" Iruka asked. Naruto grinned proudly.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Iruka-sensei. You're one on my most precious people. Of course I'll take care of you!" Naruto promised. Despite his bad day, Iruka's heart melted. At least he'd always have Naruto.

"Dinner would be great. Got any instant ramen?" he asked. Naruto flashed a bright smile and a thumbs up.

"Of course! Just sit tight. One of the house specialty coming right up!" Naruto bounced into the small, adjoining kitchen and began to cook, while Iruka stretched out on the sofa and tried to get comfortable. His eyes strayed to the door, and he wondered why Kakashi hadn't come looking for him yet. Did he even realize he'd left the apartment? He'd simplified the story for Naruto, merely saying he and Kakashi had been fighting. He wondered what Naruto would say if he found out Iruka was pregnant. Would he be excited? Or would he think it was too strange?

Iruka placed a hand on his flat belly and wondered. How did he really feel about the possibility? He imagined a little girl with tan skin and unruly auburn hair, or a little boy maybe, with his daddy's fondness for mischief. Iruka's heart warmed, and he smiled softly.

'_It wouldn't be so bad_,' he thought, his smile widening, _'No, it wouldn't be bad at all…'_

**A/N: The vote was for Iruka to say in girl form a little longer, which is good, I suppose, since it means I don't have to rush the 'cure' so much. I intended for this chapter to be funnier, but it kinda went all dramatic on me, lol. Oops. Yamato was also unplanned, but he makes things interesting, no? I'll be curious to see how this one plays out…(which sounds weird, considering I'm the author, lol. Hey, at least I'm motivated to write since I don't know what's going to happen yet!)**


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